Perhaps it’s not so bad arriving at a place where that's all you have left. - Not intellectual persuasion, not theology or doctrines or sermons or how things worked in the past. But instead prayers go unanswered, trusted friends fail, expectations fall apart and you are disappointed. When old remedies doesn’t work any longer, when all your cherished beliefs has gone out the window, when all that is left is to say like Job, “Though He slay me yet will I trust in Him.” (Job 13:15)
Perhaps that’s actually good for our faith.
The mystics called it, “The dark night of the soul.”
When you have come to the end of yourself. When all you held dear and believed in is taken away. When everything has fallen apart and there is nothing more to cling to. When all your nicely fabricated beliefs has been dismantled and you are starting to doubt everything. When you feel as if you are standing at deaths door. When you are angry and want to curse at God and yell, “to hell with it all!”
Yet, somehow you feel He is still there, perhaps He can take it, perhaps He doesn’t mind, perhaps He understands, maybe He is listening, maybe He is beyond our small circles and small minds.
That might be the place where faith become more real, more precious, stronger and better than what it was before. When you can no longer reach bottom, when you feel like drowning, when all you can do is float with nothing but driftwood and water to hold you up.
When you embrace a mystery you don’t understand and can’t explain, yet somehow you know there is truth and beauty and redemption and salvation somewhere, and you cling to that as a life-saver on a stormy sea, because faith is the only thing that keeps you from going under.
Perhaps that’s where real faith is born.